Thursday, 2 April 2009

Where is everybody?

hello lovelies.

it's lonely hearts night at kitschpuppy this evening.
Yes, that's right, i know its hard to believe, but kitschpuppy is single!
i know, i know, the mixture of sarcasm, bitterness and cynisism displayed on this blog is a heady, sexually intoxicating cocktail!
i know, i know, you have all wondered at the physical form such cerebral perfection would take.

Well, let me tell you, it's a hard world out there.
30 something, mother of one, thrown on the scrapheap by her emotionally void, bald, ex, who has an incredibly small penis. (yes, that's true, not spite or bitterness, just a medical fact, honest.)

i have met some nice men - all attached and it's a small town.

i have met some older single men - all with weird hair (or lack of it) questionnable habits and backgrounds. They all have a shiftiness about them, maybe they feel silly in bars at their age, maybe they know they have a wife at home. Maybe they are test driving new pants which are too young for them and are cutting in. Whatever - they have odd written all over them. Also, i may be 30 something, but i don't want to sleep with a 50 year old. I'm just not ready - it feels wrong. What if they had a heart attack on the job? what if they wore dentures and they fell on me? What if they were just really sweaty and knackered? Their old men bums and moobs would wobble! YUCK YUCK YUCK! There's only room for one lot of wobbly flesh in this relationship. It would give me the giggles or make me retch - neither one makes for a great shag, i've found.

Have met seriously sexy boys who are apparently too young for me? i pretend to care about the moral and ethical questions around this, but i don't. I like them the best. i like looking at them and i like listening to their frivolous conversations.

After an 8 yr relationship, where, towards the end all we talked about was our son and the bills, any conversation coming from a male mouth is bewitching. in fact talking to me is probably one of the most bewitching things a man could do with his mouth.
my trouble is that i don't feel my age, i don't really worry about whether i am cool enough or young enough - i just want to go out and play. when will i grow up?

So, i trawl my home town, looking for someone who is young, sexy, hasn't got a crap name (Brian, Trevor etc) and who can hold a conversation. And then i just watch them, like a geriactric stalker!

What hope for me the unrealistic, age inappropriate one? i'll just have to keep running off to london for secret kicks and inappropriate giggles.
if you see me out, talk to me- who knows what might happen? unless you are called trevor and have man tits that is......

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The Scarlet Harlots.

The Scarlet Harlots.
A kick arse band from Birmingham. I invited them to Hastings, they came, we all had fun. Click on their pic to hear them....i recommend "A Secret"

Bend it, bend, just a little bit.............

What's that all about then? No curtains at the window, no dvds in the cupboard, Just a butt plug on the table. A sex squat. With an inflatable haemaphrodite frog sex pest. Count me out, thanks for asking.

Ain't it pretty?

Ain't it pretty?
imagine if you had to lick it.........