Wednesday, 26 May 2010

No1 Fake

Check out No1 Fake magazine - made in Hastings by a whole bunch of ridiculously clever and motivated people.
They are in Facebook and when i have made myself a bit cleverererer, i will post a link, Until then, type No1 Fake in and see what happens.
love you.

Monday, 24 May 2010


the puppy is back. Do I still count as a puppy - am I edging my way towards Dogdom?
No matter. I have decided to make more of an effort with my blog. I will endeavour to write summat funny at least once a week. I may do more.
I may not.
Since we last spoke, I have had carnal knowlegde of another, so that's that bike climbed back on. (regular readers will know that was becoming as issue....) have made loads of new friends and discovered a love for rose wine. NO i'm not going soft, that's as well as whisky. x

lovely day in the sun - made lego robots, started teaching the golden child to read and we played guitar (neither of us can play)
and I did all that without the benefit of wine!!
Having earned my good mother award of the year I am now going for a bath.
Stick with me. It will get more entertaining than this....or read my old posts , catch up!
oh, and I am going to start posting links to my favourite websites and stuff. I am a pretty sick fucker, so it could be interesting.
love ya.
speak soon.

Sunday, 15 November 2009

Facebook Feedback

Did a club night last night and Tim was invited on facebook.
FYI - Here's Tim. Let's not censor him - love him. He'll hate it.

"Who and what the fuck is electric blow hole and why am i getting messages through from it/him/her? I hate some peoples "stab in the dark" approach to Facebook, especially band promotion, Not Attending"

Tim, have a nice cup of tea and read my letter. That's right, slippers on, feet up. Now then. isn't that all better?x

Dear Tim Clark.
Thank you for confirming your non-attendance. Unfortunately you only did this an hour after the event had finished, so we all spent all night looking out for you.
Never mind.
We take your comments about "Stab in the dark" advertising on board. However, you must have been on a friend's list of one of the organisers, artists, bands, DJ's or film-makers involved, to have received an invite.
Therefore I would treat all of your friends with suspision until you winkle out and punish the one who had the audacity to invite you on a night out.
After holding an Electric Blowhole vote, we have decided that;
a) we are glad you didn't come as we had enough bad weather that night without your stormcloud and
b) we don't want to play with you any more.
Take care
Love you unconditionally.

Wednesday, 4 November 2009


and why is it that the people who talk the loudest have the least to say?
hello lovelies! the puppy is back!
still single, still tired, wired on caffeine.
things are good here, clubnight on November 14th, writing going in a new mag, little boy still the living embodiment of all that is good.

So, why the melancholy, why the dragging feeling deep in my chest?
Vague uneasyness wheneveer i spend too long thinking, intermittent arsiness.

Upon long and deep reflection, i can only think that it must be...

I need a shag.

Thursday, 2 April 2009

Where is everybody?

hello lovelies.

it's lonely hearts night at kitschpuppy this evening.
Yes, that's right, i know its hard to believe, but kitschpuppy is single!
i know, i know, the mixture of sarcasm, bitterness and cynisism displayed on this blog is a heady, sexually intoxicating cocktail!
i know, i know, you have all wondered at the physical form such cerebral perfection would take.

Well, let me tell you, it's a hard world out there.
30 something, mother of one, thrown on the scrapheap by her emotionally void, bald, ex, who has an incredibly small penis. (yes, that's true, not spite or bitterness, just a medical fact, honest.)

i have met some nice men - all attached and it's a small town.

i have met some older single men - all with weird hair (or lack of it) questionnable habits and backgrounds. They all have a shiftiness about them, maybe they feel silly in bars at their age, maybe they know they have a wife at home. Maybe they are test driving new pants which are too young for them and are cutting in. Whatever - they have odd written all over them. Also, i may be 30 something, but i don't want to sleep with a 50 year old. I'm just not ready - it feels wrong. What if they had a heart attack on the job? what if they wore dentures and they fell on me? What if they were just really sweaty and knackered? Their old men bums and moobs would wobble! YUCK YUCK YUCK! There's only room for one lot of wobbly flesh in this relationship. It would give me the giggles or make me retch - neither one makes for a great shag, i've found.

Have met seriously sexy boys who are apparently too young for me? i pretend to care about the moral and ethical questions around this, but i don't. I like them the best. i like looking at them and i like listening to their frivolous conversations.

After an 8 yr relationship, where, towards the end all we talked about was our son and the bills, any conversation coming from a male mouth is bewitching. in fact talking to me is probably one of the most bewitching things a man could do with his mouth.
my trouble is that i don't feel my age, i don't really worry about whether i am cool enough or young enough - i just want to go out and play. when will i grow up?

So, i trawl my home town, looking for someone who is young, sexy, hasn't got a crap name (Brian, Trevor etc) and who can hold a conversation. And then i just watch them, like a geriactric stalker!

What hope for me the unrealistic, age inappropriate one? i'll just have to keep running off to london for secret kicks and inappropriate giggles.
if you see me out, talk to me- who knows what might happen? unless you are called trevor and have man tits that is......

Thursday, 26 March 2009


I've had a bath and i smell all nice.
see - not everything is gloomy in the house of kitschpuppy.


"My friend Tamra Davis and I have so much in common, it’s ridiculous. We are both mothers of two small children, in the film business, are passionate amateur cooks, have an obsession with Vegenaise, are married to musicians and have a similar food ethos. "

wow, that's just freaky! Imagine having al those similarities, when you only hang out with musicians, film actors and food freaks! How did those two manage to find each other when they are from such different worlds?
What a stoopid cow.
And another thing, why can't you leave a comment anywhere on Gwinnie's blog.. (believe me, I've tried..)
You can't comment on her pages, you can't contact her, all you can do is sign up for her newsletter and receive more of this putrid, offensive shit straight to your inbox.

She has set herself up to sit up there showering down platitudes and restaurant reviews and you can't even tell her to shut the fuck up.
Lame man, lame.

The Scarlet Harlots.

The Scarlet Harlots.
A kick arse band from Birmingham. I invited them to Hastings, they came, we all had fun. Click on their pic to hear them....i recommend "A Secret"

Bend it, bend, just a little bit.............

What's that all about then? No curtains at the window, no dvds in the cupboard, Just a butt plug on the table. A sex squat. With an inflatable haemaphrodite frog sex pest. Count me out, thanks for asking.

Ain't it pretty?

Ain't it pretty?
imagine if you had to lick it.........